To Protect Yourself
Later, Get It In Writing Now
Excerpt from "Growing Older" Column
By
Liz Taylor
Seattle Times
This
is the final part of "Starting the Conversation," a six-part series
on how to plan for and talk about our — or our parents' — aging.
One thing is certain: Modern medicine and better
standards of living have stretched our longevity well beyond that of previous
generations.
In 1900, the average American died at age 47. Today
it's 77 — and climbing.
What's uncertain, though, is how long we'll live
and how disabled we'll become as we decline. Will we be healthy and vital to
age 85, then die in our sleep? Develop a serious chronic illness ... ? Or
something in between? The answer is unknown and unknowable.
One thing I'm sure of: Postponing my demise in
order to live with tubes that feed and breathe for me isn't my idea of
"life." If that's how I end, I'd rather not, thank you. So my goal is
to live as healthfully as I can while I'm able but have in place the paperwork
and systems to let me leave this Earth when the time comes — as quickly as
possible.
That's the whole purpose of "starting the
conversation" — the reason for this series: to talk about the things we
need to do today to protect the quality of life when we can't.
Forms
for essential documents
For copies of Durable Power of
Attorney and Directive to Physician documents, contact your attorney or:
Senior
Rights Assistance in Seattle
(206-448-5720 or 888-435-3377) provides free copies by mail, plus explains what
they mean and why they're important.
Aging
with Dignity,
a nonprofit in Florida, offers "Five Wishes," an
12-page document that walks you through the questions you need to ask in a
combined DPOA for health care and health-care directive. You can order by
calling 888-594-7437 or visit www.agingwithdignity.org
. Individual copies are $5, but they're $1 each when you order 25 or more.
Also:
www.seniorservices.org.
www.washingtonlawhelp.org
(press "aging/elderlaw"), a self-help information and legal
assistance center.
There are three ingredients: thinking about and
planning for our options as we age, putting our key preferences in writing, and
having people in our lives (often family, sometimes not) who care about us and
are willing to help us achieve our desires in these important matters. The
first two are absolutely imperative; the third is optional but desirable.
First,
the planning.
A surprising number of people live in deep denial
that their lives will ever be extinguished or their needs ever change. As hard
as it is to imagine our own decline and death (actually, I'm not sure I'm over
that hump yet), we need to assume it — no emotion, just the simple fact — and
get on with planning for it. Where will we live? Who will take care of us? How
will we pay for it? How much effort should be expended to keep us alive at
life's end?
To help you grapple with these issues, change one
word in your vocabulary. Instead of saying, "If I need care," say,
"When I need care." It's like a dash of cold water, forcing you to
deal with reality. Thinking through these issues while you're healthy and in
control is far better than waiting until you're too sick to do anything about
them.
Second,
the writing.
Three documents are essential:
A Durable Power of Attorney for Finances allows
someone you trust when you're physically disabled or mentally incapacitated to
sell your car, pay your bills and arrange for care.
A Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care allows
someone you trust (under the same circumstances, above) to make health-care
decisions for you, such as whether you should have surgery.
A Directive to Physician (or "Living
Will") tells your doctor what treatments you want or do not want if you
become terminally ill or permanently unconscious.
All the talking you do on these issues is moot if
it's not in writing. Your bills won't be paid. Your doctor will try to keep you
alive, no matter how unpleasant "life" is at that point, and your
family may trigger World War III fighting over what you would have wanted. To
spare you and everyone else these headaches, it's imperative to have these
documents in place in advance, then keep them accessible.
They're easy to get and require no attorney,
although it's wise to have an attorney review them to make sure they achieve
what you want, especially if there's friction in the family or complex
arrangements or involve different states.
Third,
recognize
that when these documents are needed, you're likely
to be quite helpless — which is why I advocate creating "safety
circles," people we care about and trust who'll make sure our preferences
are honored when the time comes. Typically this includes a spouse and adult
children, but people who have no children or have no children nearby (your
safety circle must be close) can organize friends. In my Jan. 10, column, I
wrote about a group called the Fiercely Independent Elders, who've been doing
this for each other for 15 years.
And stop thinking these documents are just for
older people! Any of us can be hit by a car and left disabled; all adults need
them.
You'll find more information on "Starting the
Conversation" in "How to Care for Aging Parents," by Virginia
Morris (Workman Publishing Co., $18.95),
which I reviewed Dec. 6, 2003. "Family Conversations That Help Parents
Stay Independent" is available free from AARP by calling 888-687-2277
(stock number D17002).
Liz
Taylor's column runs Mondays in the Northwest Life section. As a specialist on
aging and long-term care, she consults with individuals and teaches workshops
on how to plan for one's aging — and aging parents. E-mail her at growingolder@seattletimes.com or
write to P.O. Box 11601,
Bainbridge Island, WA
98110.
*This
excerpt from the "Growing Older" column, Copyright © 2005 The Seattle
Times Company